a hippy chick

Originally posted on MDC 6/18/2004 

She entered my life as a smelly, helpless ball of fluff. She left it tonight after 10 years and 7 months of faithful protection and unwavering love. How can I find the words to thank her for all the things she did for me? She seemed to know that I was a cocky, scared teenager who couldn’t decide whether to stay in this world, or end the suffering I felt from never fitting in, never knowing what to do, or what my worth could possibly be. So she developed an incredible personality that gave me a reason to stop obsessing on myself and start obsessing on her. What would Josie do next?

There was the time when she wasn’t even 3 months old…she decided Vitamin B-12 capsules would be her evening snack (and after downing the bottle, promptly threw up pink vomit on the lovely tan carpet).

There was her insistence on guarding me when I was in the bathtub…which was frequently. No one was allowed in the bathroom while I was in the tub. Josie would lay down to block the doorway. Not even my husband could get past her! She would often turn her head and sigh at me as if to say “mom, you done yet?” but she would faithfully lie there, no matter whether I stayed in for 20 minutes or 2 hours.

Then there was her aversion to ceiling fans, vacuums, and pagers. It never failed that when one was near her making their offending noise, she would bark and bark…and then run to hide somewhere.

She hated the water-she could barely swim-but loved playing with the hose and lived for her romps in the snow. She could hold her need to eliminate all day and all night if it was raining. She simply didn’t want to get wet.

She ate anything and everything…from raw chicken (defrosting on the counter) with bones, to 2.5 pounds of bittersweet chocolate left under a bed (which would have killed most dogs), to ant baits left behind the toilets…we paid for her cast iron stomach with many trips to the vet’s office. Her counter surfing and trash digging skills were legendary.

She “interviewed” my prospective mates and quickly gave her opinions on them. When I met my dh, I told him-if Josie doesn’t like you, you’re out! Luckily, it was love at first sight for her. They enjoyed many romps and tussles.

She loved to play. LOVED to play. Even at the end when cancer had eaten her up, when she should have just given up, when she was too tired to lift her head sometimes, she would nudge a sock our direction as if to say, “come on, one more time”.

When she had done something wrong, she hid. When we called her, she would slowly come with squinty eyes that made us laugh more often than not. How could we resist?

Our son was born just 9 weeks ago, and I spent about 4 of those weeks recovering, in bed more often than not. She always checked in on me, just a cold nose in my hand to tell me she was there, and she was off to chase flies in the back yard again. It was a precious sight to see her protecting the baby from others. She would maneuver her body in between us and them-no one was getting past her! When he cried and I didn’t immediately fix the problem, she gave me curious looks and even walked up to me to make me aware that he shouldn’t be doing that! Yesterday, she gave ds a kiss on the ear for the first and last time.

Ah Josie. You were more than a dog. You taught me that it’s okay to love something so deeply that it will rip you apart when it’s gone. You taught me that I was worthy of love, because you loved me unconditionally. I can’t believe you’re gone. I can’t believe my little boy will never know a great protector, will never get a chance to pull your ears, or try to ride on your back.

You will be missed.