I haven’t posted in a week because I literally have no energy and little time to do so. Sleeping has been hellacious; I never expected it to still be like this with a 2 year old. Dh and I get no time alone unless we pay someone to babysit, D is up until I go to bed with him and since I’ve nightweaned him, he’s woken up screaming. Great. I swear, if I ever have another baby, I will ask God to give me a good sleeper. With D we prayed for a smart, special child. God really does have a well developed since of humor. Gave me the smartness and specialness in spades, along with a few quirks and some high needs thrown in for good measure.
Sleep is such a central issue. Even a year ago I looked down on people who used CIO as ‘bad parents’. Although I still think it is used much too often and much too soon, and usually for the wrong reasons such as needing to “teach” independence, there are few people who would or could deal with this kind of never-ending lack of sleep on a consistent basis. I understand being so desperate for sleep that you would put on headphones to block out your screaming child. Sorry if that statement crosses me off the AP list or anything. Just being honest. I have been so, so tempted to let him cry lately. I know it is because I need at least 4 hours a night, and I am not even getting that. Combined with the toll this has taken from a marital standpoint, and how draining D is for the rest of the day, and that I have no transportation to get out of here for an hour if I need to…well, maybe you can understand why after 2 years of this, I am pretty frustrated.
God promises not to give us more than we can bear. Well, His pattern seems to be 4 terrible nights, 1 very good night where I get 7 hours or more. I guess this is so I don’t kill myself thinking that at least I’ll get a good rest 
Anyway…if you don’t have a HN kid, you don’t have a clue what I’m going through. That’s a major vent in itself, but suffice it to say…we should be dishing out understanding, help, and compassion in much larger measure than judgement or criticism. I’m including myself in that statement, knowing I have been “holier than thou” in so much of my parenting so far. This year has been humbling, and my child continues to prove to me that I don’t know much of anything and am just flying by the seat of my pants like everyone else. Maybe he will turn out to find the cure for cancer or something. Surely great things are in store if I can be patient and loving enough to get through this! So far, I think the lesson is that I should really keep more of my opinions to myself, and be more understanding of others who do things differently than I do.
