Characteristics of HN Babies and Spirited Children
This was originally posted on Gentle Christian Mothering.com.
The characteristics of a high-need baby, according to Dr. Sears, are:
1. Intense
2. Hyperactive
3. Draining
4. Feeds Frequently
5. Demanding
6. Awakens Frequently
7. Unsatisfied
8. Unpredictable
9. Super-Sensitive
10. Hates to Be Put Down
11. Can’t Self-Soothe
12. Separation Sensitive
According to Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (author of RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD), when they get older, the “Spirited Child” main characteristics are:
1. INTENSITY (loud and dramatic-focused outward, quiet and intently observant - focused inward),
2. PERSISTENCE (”lock in” to important ideas, love to debate, goal oriented),
3. SENSITIVITY (easily overstimulated by their environment, low sensory thresholds to any of the five senses),
4. PERCEPTIVENESS (easily distracted, notice everything going on all the time),
5. LOW ADAPTIBILITY (don’t transition/shift from one activity to another easily),
and “bonus traits” (those that sometimes come with being spirited, but not always), being:
6. IRREGULARITY (lacks natural schedules for eating or sleeping),
7. ENERGY (physically active, busy exploring all the time),
8. FIRST REACTION (quick withdrawal when first encountering anything new),
9. MOOD (as in moody)
Your child does not have to meet all of these characteristics at once to be considered high-need. For instance, some high-need babies *want* to be put down. Two helpful websites for additional reading are: http://askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp
http://www.nurturingourfamilies.com/spirited/exptdefn.html
Lil pill meets every criteria for HN and Spirited, including bonus traits, except for hyperactivity, low adaptability, and energy. 18/21!!!! WOW. I am driving people crazy by talking about this, I know. People without a HN kid just do not “get it”.
My sil had a HN kid but did not respond to her as such or give her any extra attention. As a result, my niece and I have an intense bond and she has told me that I am the only person she feels like she can be ‘herself’ with, because she feels like she is weird and wrong around anyone else, even her parents. I remember the 3 hour screaming tantrums she used to have as a small child. She wanted her mom to hold her and sil had 2 other children at the time, one a tiny baby. Poor niece was the middle child. She used to practically pass out from screaming until she was purple in the face. At the time, I couldn’t soothe her, only her mom would do. Of course sil didn’t have time or energy and thought dear niece was just being difficult and sinful and that she needed to “learn her lesson” by being ignored, spanked, yelled at, etc. Now DN is convinced she was a “brat” and a terrible child. I am trying to work with her on re-thinking her self image. She just needed something that she didn’t receive. Potty learning was a huge ordeal to her too and she didn’t train until she was almost 4. So that’s what can happen when you have a HN kid and treat them like a “normal” child.
