Oops, I did it again
Brought up money, that is. To which I got a 15 minute drive into work full of screaming, name calling (this time me and all my family, what a treat!), and a complete dismissal of all I have done over the last 3 years. He punched me hard in the arm for the second time in a month. The car is always the place he loves to pick fights because I can’t get away.
He said he needed three years of being “a bum” and me paying the bills before we were even close to even. Nice that your husband and the father of your child thinks of you as a bum while you were raising his (not prejudiced here, everyone says it) extremely smart, extremely verbal, sweet, inquisitive child for the first 3 formative years of his life. Because he would’ve turned out that way if I’d put him in daycare after 6 wks, I’m sure of it. Right?
So I wandered into this fight pretty innocently, just saying “hey, when we get paid, please pay the rent and Nanny A and keep the rest for food and fun, okay?” and then I got unloaded on. Because even though we agreed to pay Nanny A, apparently the deal isn’t okay because she is living with us and doesn’t need the money. And it’s furthermore not okay because she’s blowing it all on laptops, ipods, and weekend trips to California (her perogative). So he’s not going to give her gas money to drive our son around with, because she’s living with us for free.
By the time he finished (right as he was pulling up to my building) I felt like I was having a heart attack or panic attack or both. What had been a pretty decent weekend even for us was all wiped out in that 15 minutes. He doesn’t understand how that happens, but it does. Down deep he is the same vengeful, bitter, raging maniac that he’s been for the last-I don’t know-at least 3 years. We ended the conversation with me apologizing for bringing up money! because I guess you know, everyone gets called a stupid bitch in the morning if they talk about bills, and then with him taking my hand and telling me I needed to sacrifice my money to pay Nanny A if it was the most important to me. Because apparently Mr. A would put lil pill in the cheapest ghetto daycare around if it would save him a buck. It’s just your child, nothing special.
As I got out of the car, I told him he broke his word by calling me that name, and twice in fact, and told him to enjoy his lunch (that I packed him to save us some money). Then he drove off.
I don’t expect to hear an apology but I will certainly, in the interest of fairness, write it here if he does give me one.
Anyway, it’s pretty clear that I need to do something to cut down on the nannying expenses, so that I can save some money and have the option to have a life of my own with D somewhere, where people can’t ruin my entire day before it’s even started. At least it would be a life of my own making, no matter how hard it was.
