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Otherwise entitled "put your kids to work by promising them something fun and then standing back and taking pictures of them doing everything". A.k.a., making cookies.

So, here's a great recipe for sugar cookies that I absolutely lurve this time of year. If you want to shake things up a notch, you can throw in some chocolate chips-but then that would be chocolate chip cookies, now wouldn't it? Or you could try my favorite trick to slightly change nice-enough cookies, by adding a bit of filling. To do that, put the rolled out dough upside down on some muffin tins. Or rather turn the muffin tin upside down and shape the dough around it, about halfway up to the top, and bake. You know what I mean. Then you'll have a nice little cookie pocket which you can fill with jam, lemon curd, cream cheese, melted chocolate, strawberries and whipped cream, anchovies and spinach, or any combination that strikes your fancy. Just making sure you're still paying attention.

Anyway, I digress. The recipe in all its perfectly nice glory:

1 C granulated sugar, plus 1 C or so reserved
1 C confectioners (powdered) sugar, plus 1 C or so reserved
4 eggs
5 C flour
1 t salt
2 t baking powder
1.5 softened unsweetened butter (that's 2 1/2 sticks)
1 t vanilla

Now, you may have noticed a lot of sugar in this recipe. That's because they are, in fact, sugar cookies. Trust me...don't be afraid. They are not overly sweet. In fact, you'll be surprised just how not overly sweet they are. Do it, okay? Or get your kids to do it for you.

Cream butter and sugar together like this:

Add eggs and vanilla (whisk a bit to incorporate):

In a separate, bigger bowl, mix dry ingredients. If you eat some along the way, that's okay too:

Then pour the wet into the dry ingredients and combine everything:

You'll have a very dry mix, so work it with your hands until it looks like so:

Put the dough on a piece of parchment paper, sprinkle liberally with confectioner sugar (and I do mean liberally), tuck the ends of the paper in, and roll it up like a burrito:

See the white sugar rolled up in there? That's pure sugar cookie goodness, my friends. Stick the burrito in the fridge to chill for AT LEAST an hour. Overnight is best, but if you can't wait I understand. Take it out whenever you're ready, and cut slices off the chilled roll like so, about 1/2 inch thick:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Roll out the dough with a rolling pin (or a can if you don't have a rolling pin handy, or if your 3 year old is using it for playdoh). Which may or may not be the case in my house. Anyway, after it's rolled, cut it into pretty shapes:

Put the shapes on a parchment paper-lined cookie sheet. You might feel like skipping this step. You're thinking, "I could just grease the cookie sheet. Is she pulling my leg about the miracles of parchment paper? Do I really need to go to the store for this worthless stuff?" YES. You do. Your cooking life will be so much easier. No pan to clean once the cookie goodness is through. And Christmas season is right around the corner, and it's $2 bucks a roll. So just get some, okay? Bake in a 400 degree oven for 6-10 minutes, ovens varying wildly so time will vary wildly. This is what they should look like:

Sprinkle liberally with the granulated sugar while the cookies are still hot enough to receive all that sugary goodness. I've said goodness about 50 times in this post. But oh well. It's GUD. Then eat 1 or 2 or 10 with a glass of milk. And bask in the knowledge that you are an honest to goodness cookie baker.

Better yet, get your kids to do the work for you. It's more fun that way. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

I am inches away from debuting my brand new blog site, which will also host a lot of fun things I can't do on blogger. I know all 4 of my readers will be very glad to hear this! Contests. Sponsors. Pictures that aren't fuzzy. The possibilities are endless and mind boggling. Aren't they?

Really, all I want is a new domain name that belongs just to moi. So I'm kinda learning as I go here. I'm getting kind of embarrassed at begging for comments, so I will just not beg for comments anymore. But can you tell me if you like the new blog, purty please? If it sucks, don't tell me. I can't take the rejection.

In other news...still starving! 2nd fill on Thursday if I can squeeze it into my lunch hour. The next couple days are real hectic around our house, what with Halloween and all. I wasn't allowed to celebrate H'ween as a child, so it is a big, big deal to me and we have fun with it. Darian will be a cute lil green no-headed dragon (he refuses to wear the head) so I need to paint his face. We'll see how long that lasts...by the end of the night he'll probably be a green-and-red-smeary-face sorta dragon. But all's fair in fun and candy!

I just consumed 1 entire pancake, 4 sausage patties, and 1/2 of an egg.

I think it's safe to say the band fill isn't quite restrictive enough. And, to be honest, I'm pretty upset at the thought of having to have a 6 inch needle stuck inside me again so soon, and also upset at myself because well, dang it I could just starve and not have this weight problem, couldn't I?

Also very upsetting is the scale at the doctors office, which told me that my clothes must weigh 8 pounds or so. I weighed in at 264, so that's only 11 pounds down from surgery date.

Gotta call the doc on Monday. Dang it!

I'm the first to admit that I'm a rather dramatic person. I know y'all are shocked. I learned this at my daddy's knee. Make the story just a little better. Make your laugh just a little louder. Make your hug just a little tighter. Mmm I'm remembering my dad's hugs. He would've been 85 this year. An old coot at 51 when I was born, he still entered into the world of childhood with zest. In fact, if not for my dad, I shudder to think of the safe, contained, repressed little world I would've been brought up in. He was larger than life, told pretty good fish stories, the life of the party anywhere he went, and the first dramatic person in my life.

There are people who are dramatic in a sad, pessimistic, never-happy way that makes you wanna slap 'em. Did I just say that? And there are people who are dramatic in a loud, rather obnoxious way that makes you laugh, but eventually you find yourself wishing they would shuddup already. Guess which camp I fall in? I'm just wondering if you can guess, is all.

Anyway, my boss is dramatic-in-a-loud-and-mostly-angry way. Usually this is easy to take as she makes me laugh. She comes across as rather abrasive, but she's good at her job and people just know "not to cross her". She has one unfortunate habit; she feels entitled to comment on every area of my life. See, we are also friends outside of work, although not as close as I first thought we were going to be. First, she ridicules my God and doesn't mind telling me how stupid it is to believe in Him. That would be enough...but the parenting is the other big thing. She's made no secret that they had cereal in their bottles, sleeping across the house from her at 6 wks old, calls me crazy for cosleeping, etc. But the fact that she slaps them in the face when they get out of line is just not something I can overlook. And I only know that because she takes some pride in telling me this, as if I need to learn what the real world is all about.

I've just gradually withdrawn more and more from her because I don't want any more negative influences in my life. So yesterday when she asked me how I was doing, and probed in depth, I was a little surprised and also (let's face it) pleased to whine about myself. So I told her the avenues I'd been exploring, really kind of putting it all out there, and she said I was a dreamer without a practical bone in my body and I needed to get my head on straight and a few other things that weren't meant to be kind advice. She said it loud, and confrontationally, standing over my desk. Which bothered me most, because it was as if she felt her position as my boss gave her leeway to say anything and everything she wanted to say to me. Now mind you, I did not go looking for advice. This was a person I thought I could "talk" to. There are lots of different plans and ideas swirling inside my head. I am a dreamer, and proud of it. But right now I'm being the most practical me that I can be, and that's the honest truth. Instead of quitting a job that means nothing but a paycheck, I'm staying with it, trying to get my website developed and trying to find a niche in the market to support myself while remaining employed. I don't see what's impractical about that.

I seem to invite these people-my coworker at my last place of employment was the same. Get close, and then bam! the boom is lowered. "You're not like me and you need to be" is the message I get, loud and clear. Well you know what? A lifetime of people pleasing, and failing to please them, and realizing that I will never ever approaching pleasing them, has made me more resilient than I used to be. So to all those people who want to put me in a box-I am ME. And I'm trying to be the best ME I can be. Wouldn't life be sad and boring if we were all the same? Stop trying to make me into something I'm NOT.

The End! How's that for dramatic?

Monday afternoon I saw TSB for a solo counseling appt. I believe Mr. A's words were "might as well go, maybe she can help you through this. And we'll get charged anyway". True dat. The man does throw out the pithy sayings from time to time.

So, I printed out the emails posted below to show TSB. She was pretty shocked about the pronouncement of Mr. A moving out. Then she proceeded to get some background on me, and we talked about healing. She said some really important things that I needed to hear from someone who doesn't really have any level of involvement with me or Mr. A except the 1 counseling session.

The things that stuck with me the most from session with TSB were:

TSB: If he (Mr. A) isn't interested in admitting that he even has any issues, then there's really nothing you can do, is there? You can't fix his problem or make him own his rage. You just need to focus on you.

And then a little later,

TSB: How do you feel about all this? A little...

Me: (interrupting)Relieved

TSB: (at the same time) relieved?

For now Mr. A and I are living in the same house, knowing we can't do anything until we get some of our big bills paid off next month (the 15th is our bimonthly paycheck that we use for outstanding/long-term debts). I owe Mom and the chiropractor, he owes taxes. TSB gave me a referral for Mr. A to see an anger mgmt. therapist. Not sure how Mr. A will take that. Will probably find an excuse not to go. But hey...it's all good. I am back to peace. I feel such a sense of calmness about the future, and that's how I know it's really over.

Of course I'm sad. Of course I wish things could be different. (Mostly, to be honest, I wish I had already had another baby and got to stay home with him/her for 3 years, and had some sort of well-paying career.) It seems so mercenary to break it down by numbers, but I think money is the major fear for me. I don't "fit" in most jobs...musicians and artists are known to struggle most of their lives. And I don't want that for D. Neither do I want to be in a soul-sucking financial job that I'm not well suited for. But for now it will do.

I am at the place where I wish Mr. A well, and hope he finds a nice girl who will slavishly devote herself to him. Because surely that will make him happy. Or so he says. As for me, I have big goals and I'll never give those up. It's just logistical from here!