Counseling part deux
Monday afternoon I saw TSB for a solo counseling appt. I believe Mr. A’s words were “might as well go, maybe she can help you through this. And we’ll get charged anyway”. True dat. The man does throw out the pithy sayings from time to time.
So, I printed out the emails posted below to show TSB. She was pretty shocked about the pronouncement of Mr. A moving out. Then she proceeded to get some background on me, and we talked about healing. She said some really important things that I needed to hear from someone who doesn’t really have any level of involvement with me or Mr. A except the 1 counseling session.
The things that stuck with me the most from session with TSB were:
TSB: If he (Mr. A) isn’t interested in admitting that he even has any issues, then there’s really nothing you can do, is there? You can’t fix his problem or make him own his rage. You just need to focus on you.
And then a little later,
TSB: How do you feel about all this? A little…
Me: (interrupting)Relieved
TSB: (at the same time) relieved?
For now Mr. A and I are living in the same house, knowing we can’t do anything until we get some of our big bills paid off next month (the 15th is our bimonthly paycheck that we use for outstanding/long-term debts). I owe Mom and the chiropractor, he owes taxes. TSB gave me a referral for Mr. A to see an anger mgmt. therapist. Not sure how Mr. A will take that. Will probably find an excuse not to go. But hey…it’s all good. I am back to peace. I feel such a sense of calmness about the future, and that’s how I know it’s really over.
Of course I’m sad. Of course I wish things could be different. (Mostly, to be honest, I wish I had already had another baby and got to stay home with him/her for 3 years, and had some sort of well-paying career.) It seems so mercenary to break it down by numbers, but I think money is the major fear for me. I don’t “fit” in most jobs…musicians and artists are known to struggle most of their lives. And I don’t want that for D. Neither do I want to be in a soul-sucking financial job that I’m not well suited for. But for now it will do.
I am at the place where I wish Mr. A well, and hope he finds a nice girl who will slavishly devote herself to him. Because surely that will make him happy. Or so he says. As for me, I have big goals and I’ll never give those up. It’s just logistical from here!
