If you're new here and you think I'm a good waste of 5 minutes a day, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting, and please come back so I can tell my mom I do SO have tons of friends!

Tomorrow will mark three months since I moved out. I figure now is as good a time as any to blast away my preconceived notions of Eden-like existence, or what I thought life as a single mom was going to be.  Here for your viewing pleasure...the three month checkup.

Emotional health

Social pariah, unloved and unlovable, can't even decide on hair color; have never once made a person's eyes darken with lust and longing; apparently reading way too many romance novels.  Constantly afraid not smart enough to do this life thing, let alone raise another human being to do this life thing. Seeing therapist who cuts through the bull.  Need to see her more.  Still feel the need to be the best at everything I undertake; still painfully aware that I'm not even close.

Financial health

Much overtime work enabled purchase of new car, but now payments must be made with no overtime coming in. Euthanizing dog led to one payday loan, which wiped out bank account for next paycheck, which led to another payday loan. Can you declare bankruptcy over $8 or $9,000?

Independence-from-Mr.A-health

Have managed to ask for nothing, and have offered no bargains in return.  Friendly tending toward defensive if too long in personal stratosphere; do not expect much and have been a little pleasantly surprised now that personal emotions have been removed from situation.

 Work health

Got new job, now must keep new job; am I smart enough to make a living on my own with no safety blanket?  Heavens knows I can't do math. Am I smart enough (and determined enough) to stay in Richmond for years to learn a new set of job skills, even though my fight or flight says "be free! find your utopia!"?

Physical health

Aside from bout with pneumonia, all is well in our little haven.  Have lost a total of 15 pounds since leaving; eat whatever and whenever I want to.  Looking forward to warmer weather and taking long walks with new dog and same child.  Have had to stop going to chiropractor so am not feeling as well as possible.

Spiritual health

Have managed to make it to church most Sundays, but woefully lacking in achieving sense of holiness or rightness with God.  Too many time demands lead me to selfishly choose other things when I have a spare moment.  This is the biggest area to work on.  On the other hand, finally not feeling like God is going to get me with a bolt of lightning, either.

Social health

This one's easy, because I haven't got any.  Friends, that is.  Social life either. Since deciding I would only surround myself with emotionally healthy people, I've had a lot of time to work on my own emotional health without nagging interruptions from others.   Still trying to settle into having my own time once or twice a week; so used to nursing/carrying/playing/parenting lil pill around the clock that there hasn't been a big difference in me partnered and me un-partnered.

 Creative health

Writing a book that I will finish, for once; decorating apartment full of girly touches just because I like them; allowing for the possibility that I may yet get to work at a job that meets my creative needs; looking at piano longingly and have ordered sheet music and manu paper so I can start writing again when guilt overtakes tiredness.

All other kinds of health

Feeling sorry for myself a lot; realizing I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom to a 4 year old; obsessed with having another baby before age 35, feeling guilty for only wanting what I can get from a relationship rather than what I can give.   Still facing lots of nighttime fears and anxieties; still convinced most people don't like me, not so convinced that I need them all to like me.  Wondering if I'm really going to give this a go for the rest of my life; realizing that my favorite dish isn't so great after the 8th serving; that life isn't worth living without an animal to share it with; that I don't need to be the prettiest girl in school anymore.  Still lusting after things I can't afford; wondering when I'll win the lotto, or even a free Coke.  On the other hand, have learned to parallel park, walk dog while watching baby, and many other very important life skills.

And that, my dear readers, is that.  My 3 month checkup.

Have you seen the list of the 5 most miserable cities as rated by Forbes?

Surely, surely Richmond just barely missed that list.  It's like a checklist of doom around here, but don't take my word for it.  Take the quiz and see if you're a good fit!

* Routine customer service is asking "Whatchu wan?"
give yourself 1 point if this doesn't bother you.

* Generally rude, apathetic people in a generally laissez faire environment
give yourself 2 points if this doesn't bother you.

* Disintegrating crack houses alternating with shiny renovated University-owned historic homes
give yourself 2 points if this doesn't bother you.

*Panhandlers peering out from every stoop-a couple of which I've seen drive away in Mercedes after a long workday
give yourself 2 points if this doesn't bother you.

*A good whuppin means exactly that; "a trip to the woodshed" and "tan your britches" are other alternate sayings.  Used in conversation more than seems possible
give yourself 5 points if this doesn't bother you.

*People who absolutely, positively cannot drive unless they are going below the speed limit, and who do not know the definition of the word "merge"
give yourself 5 points if this doesn't bother you.

*Food is categorized as "alright", "decent", and "pretty good". And it all sucks.
give yourself 10 points if this doesn't bother you.

I figure to be happy in Richmond, you'll have to get at least 20 points. Hey, it beats Flint, right?

Lil pill has pneumonia.

I have a lot of time on my hands all of a sudden, because one can only watch Ice Age and Bambi II 4 or 5 thousand times without going stark raving nuts.  (And yes, he's still sick.)

Day 8 of sickness.  Here are the symptoms:
eye gook--green (getting better)
runny nose--clear
dry hacking cough
fever hovering around 101-102
not eating or drinking much

Anyway, knowing that Tylenol and Motrin aren't good for longterm use has me in a tizzy.  I need to find something, fast, to help lil pill get better and stay better.  If I didn't owe the chiropractor so much money, I would've been in there already getting him an adjustment.

Then I thought, hey! at least 25 people read this blog on a regular basis.  Surely some of them have had a kid sick with the flu.  PLEASE, bring on yer homemade remedies, from onion poultices to hot toddies.  I wanna hear them.  Or I'll pout and never talk to you again.

You know what snafu stands for, right?

Well, the terminator is not very happy that it's my last day.  Not only did I get the smackdown via email for something very innocuous that would've ordinarily been dismissed, we didn't go to lunch and she didn't give me a birthday present.  You might remember that the terminator and I used to be friends.  Until that whole "I don't trust anyone...are you my friends because I'm your boss?" sobbing tearful mess on Christmas Eve.  After that, we've kept a fair distance from each other, her because-well, probably because she doesn't trust me- and me because-well, probably because I've decided no more fixer-uppers.

It was a little strained and strange at first, but we fell into a business relationship (how it should've been all along) and everything was fine until I actually got another job.  Now she'll have to find someone else to beat up on, emotionally of course.  She delights in storming in rooms acting like the world is going to end and asking a question to get you all in a tizzy...then finding out the answer has been resolved months ago.  Everything, and I repeat everything, is the end of the world and a reason to cut someone off.

 So whew.  I'm done with all that.  Except I'm not totally done.  (I can hear my mom saying, "were you baking long? The word is finished, honey").  I have to work here 1 day a week until they hire someone else.  I'm sensing that I'll have to have ironclad boundaries, because that one day a week is going to be...well.

ANYWAY! Tiff took me out to lunch for my birthday and it was spaghetti carbonara...yum. Scrumptious.  So take that universe! I still had a good day.  What else ya got?