a hippy chick

Because I have nothing better to do, I am up in the wee small hours ignoring the little voice in my head that tells me tomorrow is Monday– which means this is the one day that lil pill will not be up bright and cheery at 6 am. Even though he is technically unable to drive himself to school and I’m in for an incredibly pissy morning as I wrangle him through various stages of dress and hygiene, plead with the basset to actually do something other than sniff the air, and search my closet in vain for professional clothing that fits me, still I persist in my quest to search every website on the Internets.

What better way to waste time than on my favorite search engine, Google? I am a google fan. I have a gmail account. I use google maps without even checking mapquest, so there Yahoo. I’m pretty sure Google knows the actual date of the apocalypse, who will be elected President, and whether I will ever make a living that doesn’t involve pretending I know how to add. I digress.

Let’s check out what Google has to say for Rachel wants:

Rachel wants a ride that’ll make heads turn.
not so much anymore. I’d rather have a ride that gets good gas mileage. Thank you Myo!
Rachel wants you to see her balls.
Ugh. I don’t want you to see ANY balls. I don’t want either of us to have to see any balls ever again! And for the record, I do not have any balls of any kind.
Rachel wants to know.
I am on an endless quest to know everything about everything. True.
Rachel wants a cracker.
I’m more a sweets kind of girl, actually.

Rachel needs:

Rachel needs to have blush that is very bright and colorful.
No, I blush naturally. I know that is a foreign concept to most people.
Rachel Needs Some Good Thoughts.
Particularly when I wonder why I haven’t saved the world yet.
Rachel needs more caffeine.
Always! See? Google just knows.
Rachel needs guidance and normal supervision.
Hey! I resent that!

Rachel eats:

Rachel eats hot, whole grain cereal for breakfast 3-4 times per week.
Ew. That sounds disgusting even without the puking that would ensue were I to do such a thing.
Rachel eats Cheerios off our living room floor.
It’s my word against yours!
Rachel eats babies.
Never! Oh my goodness. Are babies really eat-able?
Rachel Eats Wasabi Chunk.
After that choking incident at Ise in CA I learned my lesson about the ‘green stuff’. I’m not stoopid.

Last but not least, let’s try Rachel says:

Rachel Says No to Nudity
Depends on who and where. I’m a bad, bad girl.
Rachel says hi.
Well, HI!
Rachel says they go to work, eat dinner, watch TV and go to sleep just like other couples.
Now this is just freaky. It’s like they interviewed me secretly a couple of years ago when I was covering up that we were nothing like other couples. Hmm. Google=alien probes?
Rachel says ye’re all screwing with my head.
Un, yah! I’m a Pisces. Everyone screws with me. It is my karmic debt to the world. But maybe y’all can lay off a bit now, hear?

Happy, Happy Monday.