In some countries self-flagellation is celebrated
I’m catching up on my self-torture this weekend. Not sure why, but when the Father of the Bride series is on TV I can never resist. It makes me alternately nostalgic, bitter, wry, wistful, hopeful, resigned. That’s quite a lot for a mere movie…but it’s moments like this, when I’m alone and it’s quiet (which happens so, so rarely in my life) that I start letting the devil tap me on the shoulder.
It’s hard to overstate that in my sane moments, I know my life’s a lot better than it was last year, and a whole lot better than some other people’s. Not sure if it will have the requisite storybook ending that I’ve been so programmed to expect, and despite my best intentions to live in the present…let’s face it, I’m a Pisces and that’s what we do. We dream. We dream in bad situations and it gets us through; we dream in good situations and it’s hard for us to realize how good we really have it in the thick of things sometimes.
Didn’t mean to get all introspective and crazy, it’s just something about seeing weddings and babies and beautiful houses and perfect little storybook endings. Will there be one for me?
Sincerely,
Jenny in VA Says:
In time, in time. When you’re least expecting it. Trust me.
Hugs!
Posted on July 26th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
racheepoo Says:
Back atcha chica!
Posted on July 26th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Peace Says:
Yea, I know what you mean. I’m always dreaming about a cabin up in the mountains, my dream home. I go up there all the time, get the paper work, come home and they are always way out of my price range. SIGH. But who knows maybe someday.
Love your header!
Peace and love!
Posted on July 27th, 2008 at 1:16 am
racheepoo Says:
Thanks Peace, love your name and will check out your blog!
Posted on July 27th, 2008 at 11:09 am
NYC MOM Says:
I just ended a relationship for GOOD. I’ve been on my own for just over 6 years….and after 6.5 months he did want to move in; get engaged and then get married………………………………but at 47 years old my eyes are wide open………..too many issues; he was passive-aggressive…………(controlling); at times I felt …he was being emotionally abusive; throwing me a curve ball; like being hit on the side of the head……..he’ll be great and do so many nice things (but then side-swapped when I least expect it).
Better for my 12 year old and me to fly solo (the other 2 graduated college in May 22 and 24)… and just my 12 year old and me now. My son adored this man too…..first man I let hang with him; but he seemed to get it… the bits and pieces I told.. NO DICE..this man is not going to keep our home life full of peace and tranquility.
Try to enjoy each of these days Racheepoo. :)….with or without a man……..at 47 years old I’m catching on. I have to be WHOLE without a MAN……to complete me.
I need a man to enhance my life…that would be SWEET.. but all the emotional abusive issues….I gained 10 pounds…..got stressed and pulled my neck/shoulders/ than he was sorry; and he did not mean the things he said to me. He was always worried I was going to cheat on him; thought my male friends were waiting for me to someday date them……like no MALE could be my friend if I’m not having sex with them or will someday? I kept correcting him and he’ll apologize for his jealousies and checking up on me………….he was not dangerous .. just stifling and passive-aggressive; …….which really is controlling I learned more and more.
So flying single…….again a Hen without a Rooster as I call myself. lol. Long story.
Posted on July 27th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
racheepoo Says:
Yeah, NYC Mom, I really do not want a relationship if I’m honest. I want a great role model for my son who is willing to take me to a movie or the opera every once in a while. Yikes! The only reason I’d get in a relationship right now would be for what I could get out of it, and that’s such a selfish attitude.
Posted on July 27th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Mara Says:
Know what you mean about the happy endings. One part of this whole m/c thing that is driving me crazy is that– hello– I’m not *supposed* to have “problems”; I’m just supposed to get happily pregnant like everybody else. Didn’t anybody read the script? This is not the story I signed up for… I wonder if my “ending” (as seen from 20-30 years in the future) will be a biological child, an adopted one, or the acceptance of no children at all? And will it be happy?
BTW I love that movie too. Steve Martin is brilliant in it.
Posted on July 28th, 2008 at 8:28 am
racheepoo Says:
Mara, I wonder that too. I’m sorta glad I can’t see the future because I still have hope for it…but kinda sad I can’t see it because I think many of our anxieties are worthless energy-suckers that will all work out in the end. Sounds like a platitude but that’s really how I feel about it!
Posted on July 28th, 2008 at 9:12 am