a hippy chick

My head is spinning…work is overwhelming right now, I’ve got a big move coming up and am scrambling to make it happen, Christmas is right around the corner, lil pill is pronouncing every s like “sh” and driving me nuts.

I’m not sure how to refocus and get some time to breathe in all this, but I know I need to. One of the real drawbacks of single parenting is that there is no downtime. Often I wait until I get that few hours a week to do all my errands, do the major cleaning, and all the other stuff that’s more difficult with the pill around. It just gets exhausting when I remember that I can’t go out with friends or get a pedicure on the way home. Not in the budget, not in the timeline, not in this life I’ve chosen.

Somehow I have to make some time for Mama soon. And hopefully the world will keep spinning on its axis when I do.

Thank you everyone for your amazing, hilarious, nauseating poop stories. Who knew? (I did.)

It was hard to choose, but I went with the one that made me laugh out loud in the middle of the night reading entries. And the winner is……………….

Lola Starr! I could just put myself in your butt-clenching, white-pants wearing shoes as you desperately sought to find the nearest safe place hopefully unoccupied by humans. And with 5 kids in the house now, you need all the Poo~Pourri you can get! Please email me at ahippychick@gmail.com to claim your prize.

Thanks for playing, everyone!

I was all set to write a long explanation of what I think of your despicable tactics, your ugliness and anger and racist diatribe over a political election; your accusations that I misled you by voting (as a soon to be 35 year old American citizen) the opposite way from how you say I should vote as a good “Christian”. But you know? I don’t have the energy.  Yesterday I drug my “laughing all the way to the bank” ass out of bed at 5 am, drove 2 hours to beg for my job (that pays less than the artwork in your house) for the next 3 years, walked 15 blocks in heels to save cab fare; then rode back on a train that was delayed for 2 hours, having to make all sorts of deals to make sure my kid was safely taken to school and picked up, and walked in the door at 8 pm. You don’t have a clue what it’s like to be me, and you never will.

And hey, guess what? You and I are related by one very thin blood tie, and even she doesn’t agree with you.

Put that in your passive-aggressive, fearmongering, racist, back-stabbing, pot-stirring pipes and smoke it. I reached out to you with some trepidation after having been burned years before and this is absolutely the last time I will ever let you have a say in my life. I will take my brand of religion, politics, parenting, and life any day over any of yours. I propose that happy, fruitful “Christians” don’t enjoy annihilating others quite so much.

With a family like this, having an only child makes a lot of sense.

Thanks for entering everyone!  I am laughing my butt off and really trying not to.  But who knew you had such good poop stories? 

Winner announced tomorrow!

As someone who has long been acquainted with deodorizing sprays claiming to mask the odor of poo, I was pretty skeptical when I came across this charming little product.

However, propaganda has its place, and if People magazine says it I believe it like a good American should. After a little begging, the good folks at Poo~Pourri offered to let me test their product. Despite the cool packaging (it’s so cool, really) I didn’t have high hopes that it would work — my poo being right up there on a smelly scale. I’ve been known to clear rooms, is all I’m sayin’.

We probably spend millions a year trying to find that elusive product to make all the stink go away, possibly because it’s far too hard to believe we can actually produce such an aroma. Poop stinks, it just does.

When you’re sharing a bathroom with 10 coworkers this little smelly fact is quite obvious, especially when all you need to do is fix your lipstick. In my anxiousness to receive this product I may or may not have emailed the promotion person about 25 times.

Well slap my butt and call me Sally! Poo~Pourri lives up to the hype and is by far the best deodorizing product I’ve ever used. It not only takes away the odor, it leaves a fresh citrusy smell that’s not overpowering or obvious. As the logo says “spritz the bowl before you go and no one else will ever know!” Trust me, you’re going to want to put one in EVERY stocking at Christmastime. It’s just that amazing. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not even in the same category as those other sprays.

Want a free 2 oz. Poo~Pourri that would normally cost you $10? Well, you’ve gotta work for it this time. Tell me your favorite poo story…it can be about you, your dog, your best friend Sally, your kid or your grandpa. But poo it must be. I’ll pick my favorite and send it along to you.

Entries must be received by Monday at noon EST. Happy poo’ing!

So you might’ve heard that I have this house out in the sticks and that I’m moving in 15 days. Oh, dear lord. I haven’t even begun to pack, but my mind has moved past all the logistics to the really important stuff. I’m doodling notes all over the place, frantically figuring how to pull dollars and cents out of thin air to redecorate a neglected little country house into a cozy lil dream home.

There’s a priority list, of course, and the master bathroom has got to be first. Not only is there flowered wallpaper circa 1974 (and not the cool retro 1974), all the way up to the ceiling, there’s dark wood everywhere and a mustard yellow sink. That’s right…with a matching toilet.

I’m thinking I will last all of 2.25 minutes without wanting to rip the dang thing out. Yes, in the history of the world mustard yellow sinks and the yahoos that created them aren’t important. But that’s not going to stop me from looking for some really good appliance paint this weekend.